Men have 14th February, Valentine's Day to prove to their woman how much you love her, and beyond the bedroom! And then there's Women's Day! A day of strategically placed flowers juxtaposed with asexual kisses and respectful, above the shoulder glances. Worse, a day of presents which simply must be thoughtful, intellectually refined and delightful. Belief has it that Newton, while sitting under a tree, was thinking about what to buy for his girlfriend when the apple fell on his head. While this might be a gross exaggeration, the importance of buying your girlfriend the perfect gift in earning you that extra ounce of affection is enormous. But nothing in the world is a more impossible task.

When a girl loves someone, she lets loose upon him her pent up wish list. In all honesty, men find it about as difficult to decipher this list as the Australian cricket team finds it to respect their opponents. Warning: Anything that you buy is certain to be received with one of the following expressions: First, the "My-ex-boyfriend's-orkut-testimonial-was-better-than-your-gift" look that conveys deep disappointment over your stunted creativity. Second, the intense "I-am-not-your-sister" look which articulates her dismay at your disability to differentiate between the various roles of a woman. And finally the grimacing, "What-a-cheapskate" look that basically ensures that your sex life falls out of your pants through the recently created hole in your pocket.

The inherent capacity of a woman to point out the minutest defect in the gift that you buy makes the process all the more difficult. You may buy her flowers but they may be of a lighter shade than her sofa covers or you may end up gifting her chocolates. No one knows the truth behind the perfect gift-a woman's brain may be the world's most closely guarded secret.

A friend of mine once bought his girlfriend a stuffed toy dolphin for Valentine's Day. His argument was that a dolphin stands as a symbol of friendship in troubled waters and is the most intelligent amongst its counterparts. She subjected the dolphin to caustic, destructive criticism. He had forgotten the"obvious" fact that noise made by dolphins stand as an affront to her singing abilities. She dumped him.

So then, what do we buy our ladies?Do we buy everything we can think of and hope that they like something?The answer to some of these questions emerged from the lips of a female friend recently, "Anyone can be hard to shop for if you don't know anything about them, "she said. So fellow men, let's get to know our women. Talk to them about things they like and dislike. Spend time with them fawning over the latest design of a pretty necklace. Let's burn the midnight oil reading magazines. We will grit our-teeth, go shopping with them to decode the impossible. You get the picture!